well I tried being consisten with my weight loss blogging and, as you can see, to no avail.
My journey lies beyond a choice of two doors. One door houses the familiar life I have grown accustomed to. One of sitting idly collect government payments of either SSI in the amount of 900 dollars a month and accepting that my illness has hindered me from following my dreams or continuing to survive off of welfare and food pantries and accepting that I am nothing but a wasted seed destined to have my family raise money by car washes should I meet my end of breath. There are no haters, no one asking me who do I think I am and no accusation of thinking I am better than anyone else. They are content with me depending on others as it has been what has been expected of me. There is no fear of failure, because there is no steps to succeed. Relationships are the norm for me when they are volatile and insecure. The encouragement I give unto others remains just a dream of me taking my own advice.
The other door is strange. Relocation is a must. I have to clean out the skeletons I have hidden deep beneath the crusted surface of my soul and bury them in a pitt of no return, which means I have to face my ownself and overcome the trials I have grown so used to running from. The door harbors success and greatness beyond its padlocks and bolts. Unlimited endless possibilities and opportunities await me and my creative imagination.
There are no financial troubles after entry. My past is but a mere echo in the hallway and my future lies ahead among every pebble that paves the road before me. TO enter I must shut out the naysayers and develop a belief in myself that had succombed due to the life traumas I have experienced.
The fear of failure blocks the doorway, therefore I must train and defeat it before I can even turn and unlock one lock on that door. The other key must be sought out among the world in which my imagination is welcome, and I must first continue to take the steps toward the holder of that key.
If I never speak. No one will ever hear. If I don't utilize my voice no one will listen. Thus I will be but mere whispering memory in the minds of those who wonder where I was or what ever became of my creative person.

I stand at the unknown door with fear and trembling about to take on waters I once feared to test. If I do not, I will never know what could have become of the mind that God has blessed me with and my life would be but a shallow meaningless life never to have served its purpose. I shake unctrollably as I turn the key, looking back and rethinking my decision. All I can hear is If I don't, I will never know.

Stay tuned for more as I journey into a rebirth and rebuilding of me.