my hopes and dreams of success are shattered because of a man. he has destroyed every fiber of my being. what good is it for me to follow my dreams if he will only end up destroying me in the end.

God if you hear me, I'm tired of hurting and living in fear. I'm at a breaking point and my world is shattered. Please give me a little relief. I can't push any longer.

Can you hear me?

I smile to hide the pain i feel inside wondering why I can't seem to find the love i deserve to have. I'm trapped by fear not able to escape the confounds of the prison I'm in. The life of my family and those closest to me threatened by the monster in my bed. I've tried to leave, tried to run and hide. my motherhood jeopardized by a man so out of control I fear he will soon take my life and my children will never know me. my eyed bruised by one strike to my temple. i have to hide the evidence by glasses and cant venture out and enjoy life. police dont care. they turn the other cheek. the abuse heightened by alcohol. I'm drained financially, emotionally and spiritually not comprehending why God would allow me to continue to be abused and used. my works go unappreciated. my heart taken advantage of. the dream of a good man shattered by the continuous flow of evil assholes that have crossed my path. this one is the worst one. he has attempted to choke the life out of me, beat me and threatened me. I've been held against my will and its worsening. i wanna get away. escape to an island far away where no one knows me, so noone can hurt me. beginning to fear the general public. My voice is unheard. my cries unanswered.

in search of Americas lowest 3 bedroom rent

my quest has begun in search of the nations lowest rent. yesterday we had to stop in blythe california. after travvelling for a few hours the tranny on my 99 lincoln continental overheated. we cooled off headed to the nearest exit where the associate at foster freezes chiriaco summit pretended to not speak english, tried to sell me a small empty cardboard bowl for a dollar and proceeded to bad mouth me in spanish not knowing I understand the language, just don't speak it well. so I told her in english that I understood everything she said and she looked dumbfounded and replied, okay, I'm sorry. how is that for customer service right!?
I thought my chihuahua went into labor last night. false alarm. maybe another few days. week tops.

the temperature this morning in Blythe at 7am is 90 degrees. its hot and dry. there is nothing around but truck stops and rattlesnakes. it looks cheap here, but because of it still being in California, I refuse to check out the pricing. My goal is to leave calaifornia and find a cheap place with good schools before my daughter begins kindergarten.

So up and attem folks. the hunt is on. after I take a dip in this lovely pool here at motel 6.