my testimony in short.

taking time out to tell my testimony. The last six years of my life have been a big downward battle for me. In December 2004 I decided I was going to finally leave my wayward husband in MD and return home to Cali. A friend paid for tickets for me, and my 2 sons who were 15 months and the other was 4. I came back to cali having been a housewife for 7 yrs. I was 26. My family welcomed us here and we all stayed in the livingroom of my Aunts home in Moreno Valley. I had been in the church for 7 yrs and was a little sheltered. My cousin and friend quickly changed that. My cousin showed me the hot spots in Riverside and every weekend we were out clubbing. I felt so young and free.
I finally got a job at a mortgage company. My family didn't want to babysit anymore because there was a full house and my aunt was getting tired. Around that time, my husband came to get us and I returned to the DC area. During and argument he threw me into the hot stove and I decided to leave. Only this time, he had papers drawn up taking my sons away from me. I returned to California without my sons.
This destroyed me. I started drinking more and smoking more weed. The clubs became a 3 or 4 day a week thing for us. I was wallowing in my own self destruction.
I had met a man. A thug. He showed me another type of life. It was exciting. and for a while we got along great. I knew he had other women. I didn't care. He was just for pleasure. I was still having fun with my cousins. One night we had been at an APPLE BOTTIOMS party in LA and the emcee called the apple bottom girls up there and a chick walked behind us and said we should be up there instead. Shortly after that, I got pregnant.. I was scared. I did not want to be tied to him forever.
The day we brought our daughter home he swole my face up like a possum. All behind one of his women. After that the beatings continued. I described them in an earlier blog. Eventually I prayed my way out of that relationship.
That was in 2007. so 4 years had passed. I had not seen my sons since may 2005. I was finally able to see them in the Winter 2007. I spent 2 months in MD. Then I returned home to my grandmothers home in Perris. I left granny's house and moved in with my cousin. I got a job and did good for a while. Until I got sick. I knew what it was but was in denial and refused to go to the DR.
I moved in with my pastors and began serving God. I was their secretary and protege. In the summer of 2009 I was diagnosed again with lupus. My pastors prayed. and I went into remission.
I was being groomed for ministry and then Met another man. I had been single for a year or so and this handsome white guy on the praise team swept me off my feet. I left the church with him and shortly after that I found out why his wife left him. He was verbally, mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive. 2 miscarriages. I started smoking cigarettes again and weed.
For a year and a half I put up with his mess, not working, living off my welfare. Abusing me. Threatening to make me lose my daughter if I left.
Well I finally called his bluff and he is gone. My daughter and I are starting a new life and planning to return to VA where my sons now live so I can be closer to them.
In short over six years I lost my sons, had a daughter, allowed myself to be abused by 3 men. Lost my soul, and hit rock bottom.
The seventh year will be a year of redemption and healing.

cont

 As I sit and wait for the Dr. to see me I am looking at a man biting his finger nails rocking back and forth. He is pale in the face and has scratches on his arms. His wrists are bandaged. He is glaring at me. "he's coming for you." he says to me. "You can't hide from him. He knows your thoughts." He leaps towards me "Lana, come in please." Dr. Renna comes out
He begins screaming "arate mote so ro!" He repeats over and over hysterrically before being removed by security.
In the midst of all the commotion I begin to see more figures. I am overwhelmed by the ado and can no longer take it before passing out into The dr. arms.
"

Cont..( this is FICTION)

As the day progresses, I find myself in the midst of a fierce mind battle. Everywhere I look I see transparent figures peering at me from a ditance.
I live a few blocks from my therapist, Dr. Renna. She and I have been talking since childhood, when my grandmother burned to death out side while weeding her garden. I saw her. I remember her screams as she went up in flames. There was nothing around her. No matches, no flammable devices, nothing. She just burned before my eyes. I was 12.
My family accused me of burning her. But there was no evidence. I have been under suspicion for years. The judge ordered me to undergo therapy indefinately so Dr. Rinna and I became close.

to be continued.

this is the beginning of my book. Fiction

Here I am standing in the midst of a storm. The winds blowing fiercely around me. There is nothing else nearby. Just darkness. I can see a face. Eyes of black, no white. It is a smoky figure with talon hands. He has no bones, his eyes, nose and mouth are like black holes. His aura is evil. He glides around me. Whispering in my ear. He is speaking in another tongue, but I understand him. He is telling me that he has me in his hands. He says he lives in me. There is no escaping him. He says I am strong, but not strong enough to defeat him.
Lightning strikes and thunder rolls. It begins to pour rain. I see his army in the distance. They are marching towards me. Black figures, full armor. They are chanting. Their beasts flying around me. I am turning in circles trying to get away. In tears, I fall to the ground on my knees, my face looking to the heavens.
"you can't defeat me, I have always been here. A part of you. God can not help you now. Look around you. You are alone. You have no help. You are surrounded by my brood. He stopped listening to you long ago."

I awaken in a pool of sweat and tears. Another dream. 

It happened again last night. As I lay in bed Saying my prayers I felt him hovering over me. His presence sucking the air out of my lungs. I can't see his face. I do not know if he is white or black, His clothes are dark. He is tall, and thin. He does not speak. He just stands there and hovers over me. The hair on my arms stands up. My stomach begins to turn. "Go away!" I yell out. "leave me alone, I'm tired." He is no longer visible, but I can feel him near.  He is tormenting me. I feel his fingers running through my hair. He is fixated on my hair. "Jesus, help me" He yanks my head back and covers my mouth. I squirm trying to free my self of his hold. He won't let me speak, I can't see. I manage to mutter "JESUS" his grip weakens. he begins sucking the air out of my lungs. He throws me up to the ceiling and back down. "Jesus!" I yell out. He screeches and leaves a cloud of smoke in my room. "Lord, Please" I mumble as I doze off. 
Why didn't my husband help me? He had to hear me. He slept as I was being attacked in our bed. Why? Am I crazy? What is happening to me? Am I alone?




more tomorrow.

next

When I was in the second grade my teacher told my father That I was going to be a famous author one day. I'm 32 years old and haven't published anything yet. I have been afraid to complete my works because of my past. The next couple of blogs will be short stories, poems and maybe even a book. I hope you enjoy them as you read them as they take place. Beginning tomorrow I will express myself in words as God gives them to me. Write to ya tomorrow.

Welcome Home Vietnam Vets

My father was a medic in Vietnam. He saw things no one could imagine. He lost his wife soon after returning. She could not deal with the attitude he developed.
When we were younger he used to run 4 miles every morning before work. Gradually his heart began to weaken. The running stopped. The heart attacks started and the diagnosis of  an enlarged heart and Congestive heart failure followed soon after.
In 2000 he was equipped with a pace maker after being told his heart only worked at 16%. A few years later the VA installed a defiberlator. This year the diagnosis of Ischemic Heart disease was added and recognized as an effect of agent orange.
After over 40 years of living with ptsd and heart disease my father was finally being treated as a Veteran.
Why it has taken so long for these veterans to receive care and honor misses me. These men fought and served their country and came home to a not so happy crowd. They were ridiculed and denied benefits other war vets were basking in. The y fought harder for survival and continue to fought as a result of agent orange. I honor them whenever I see them with a welcome home greeting and its time they received their heroes welcome. Until then I salute you and thank you for your service and example of survival.
Welcome Home